nothing at all

“and I’m afraid, and I can’t breath,
and I’m in love with you
but you are not with me
and I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

Time passes by while I wait for your call
Time passes by; I hear nothing at all”

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I was in love with her but sometimes hearing this part of this song by rachael yamagata it feels like she is singing me about the girl in the desert. There were hours and hours of conversation. We’d talked so much about what we both were looking for…how we were so excited to have each found someone that understood our quirks and got our sense of humor. There was SO much laughing and flirting and excitement about getting to know each other even better. And the one visit: the night that was exactly as I wanted it to be and the morning that was even better. But I had to come home. And everything changed. And then there was nothing. A few text messages were exchanged and now someone I was so sure was interested in me won’t call. Words spoken with so much promise, “you’re amazing”…“pretty girl”…”it feels so good to hold you”…are replaced with the words intended to be a goodbye… “I’ve been meaning to call”… “things have just been really shitty right now.” Maybe I expected too much…maybe I read into the simple sentences that I thought had straightforward meanings…maybe things truly are really shitty for her right now. But she won’t call me and I’m left wondering…I’m left with nothing at all.