starting over...

...it's just as the title says...i'm starting over. it seems like every aspect of my life lately is at that point. i think i've gone through more changes in the past few months of 2005 than i did all of last year. i got a new job in january, i quit said new job in march, my parents sold my childhood home in march and moved to south dakota in april, my sister, brother in law, and niece left yesterday to follow the parents to south dakota, i came out to some friends and some family (well and now the entire internet), i joined the gym, i got a new job, i kissed a girl, my best friend and her husband are moving to orange county...and it's only the beginning of may! the next few months don't promise any sort of break for me either...the summer months will bring a completed paralegal program, a "real" career...possibly a new city will come with the "real" career...everything is so up in the air. i go back and forth between being really excited and really depressed. i feel like everything i'm comfortable with, all of my core people, has/have left me or will be soon. for someone that has always felt so independant, lately i've been feeling like the neediest person alive. i suppose i just feel like i could always accomplish anything with my mom or sister or best friend around and while i'm aware of the fact that they are only as far the other end of the phone or email, it just isn't the same. i can't just drop by for sleepy sunday mornings...going for donuts in our pajamas..arguing about who has to get out of the car..lounging around moms place, reading the paper and laughing...always laughing.

but maybe it's all for a reason...maybe there are some incredible things out there for me to accomplish and their leaving is just freeing me up for that. i won't be as apprehensive to leave because that same group isn't there anymore. i'm not leaving anyone behind...just moving on to something new. and new is good, right?