jumping in with both feet...

...i'm dating someone new...i'm really excited! as kristin says..."i have a good feeling about her..." she's really smart...SO funny...sexy...athletic...caring...affectionate...she's one of those people that draws you in the minute you meet them...you know the kind..confident, always know the perfect thing to say at the perfect time. when i am with her she makes me feel like i am the only thing that matters. i find myself thinking about her all the time...things people say remind me of a funny story she told. i'm distracted when i'm driving...thinking about a look she gave me or our last kiss. trying to concentrate on school is a joke! i've never felt this way about anyone before...not even the girl in the desert...imagine that. we started out quickly (4 dates in 5 days) and now things have gone to a more normal pace. i would love to see her more often...i would love to be her girlfriend...i would love to jump into this with both feet and see where i land...i would love for her to want to do the same. but i'm still trying to figure out where she is with everything and while i know that she really likes me, i don't want to babble on to her about how i'm feeling and get a weird reaction. but oh how great it would be if the reaction was her agreeing with me completely. :)

nothing at all

“and I’m afraid, and I can’t breath,
and I’m in love with you
but you are not with me
and I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

Time passes by while I wait for your call
Time passes by; I hear nothing at all”

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I was in love with her but sometimes hearing this part of this song by rachael yamagata it feels like she is singing me about the girl in the desert. There were hours and hours of conversation. We’d talked so much about what we both were looking for…how we were so excited to have each found someone that understood our quirks and got our sense of humor. There was SO much laughing and flirting and excitement about getting to know each other even better. And the one visit: the night that was exactly as I wanted it to be and the morning that was even better. But I had to come home. And everything changed. And then there was nothing. A few text messages were exchanged and now someone I was so sure was interested in me won’t call. Words spoken with so much promise, “you’re amazing”…“pretty girl”…”it feels so good to hold you”…are replaced with the words intended to be a goodbye… “I’ve been meaning to call”… “things have just been really shitty right now.” Maybe I expected too much…maybe I read into the simple sentences that I thought had straightforward meanings…maybe things truly are really shitty for her right now. But she won’t call me and I’m left wondering…I’m left with nothing at all.